The First Pillar of Compatibility : Self Disclosure

Self Disclosure is a process of communication by which one person reveals information about
himself or herself to another. The information can be descriptive or evaluate, and can include
thoughts, feelings, aspirations, goals, failures, successes, fears and dreams, as well as one’s
likes, dislikes and favorites.
Social Penetration theory states that the development of a relationship is closely linked to
systematic changes in communication.
Relationships generally begin with exchange of superficial information and gradually move on to
more meaningful conversations.
In order to develop a more intimate relationship, people must increase the breadth and depth of
their conversations.
Breadth - Variety and Range of topics discussed by 2 Individuals.
Depth - Degree to which the information is revealed (Personal or Private). Personal Significance
of the topics discussed.
It is easier for breadth to be expanded first because of its more accessible features. It consists
of outer layers of personality and everyday lives such as occupations and preferences.
Depth is more difficult to reach, and includes painful memories and more unusual traits that we
might hesitate to share with others. We reveal ourselves most thoroughly and discuss the
widest range of topics with our loved ones.
There are 3 layers one should go to :
1. Superficial small talk with little personal information about the speakers.
2. The next layer is Intimate, with increasing breadth and depth and more personal details.
3. The third is the very intimate level, where extremely private information is shared.
Intimacy in these relationships can develop only if the persons involved reciprocate disclosures.
Intimacy will not develop if only one partner discloses and the other continues to reveal only
superficial information.
Reciprocity must be gradual and match the intimacy of other’s disclosure.
Too rapid, too personal disclosure creates an imbalance in a relationship that can be
discomforting.
Self Disclosure promotes attraction. People feel a sense of closeness to others who reveal their
vulnerabilities, innermost thoughts and facts about themselves.
Two key components for Intimacy are :
1. Disclosure
2. Partner’s Responsiveness
It is extremely important that when a speaker discloses personal information, their partner also
discloses something personally relevant. It is also essential that the listener understand, validate
and care about what the speaker is disclosing. If the speaker does not feel fully accepted by the
listener, Then they may not disclose something to them in the future, which stops the
development of intimacy.
There are 2 types of Self Disclosures -
1. Emotional Disclosure - Reveals a person’s thoughts, feelings and judgements.
2. Factual Disclosure - Reveals facts and information about the self.
Sense of closeness increases if the disclosures are more emotional than factual. Personal
Disclosures that are too general reduce the sense and feeling of closeness. Disclosures that are
too intimate often highlight character and personality flaws, thus decreasing likability. People
who make intimate disclosures too early in relationships are often perceived as insecure, which
further decrease likability.
The transition from sharing facts to emotions is crucial to building an intimate relationship.
Without acceptance, one partner will withdraw and fail to reveal personal facts within the
relationship. Sharing ourselves brings us out of the imaginary worlds and allow us to see the
realities of the world we live in.
Self Disclosure reveals and breeds Intimacy. This is why we reveal ourselves most and discuss
the widest range of topics with our loved ones. Disclosures should be made over a long period
of time to ensure that the relationship slowly increases in intensity and closeness. A steady
trickle of personal information increases the longevity of the relationship because each partner
continually feels the closeness that comes with self disclosures.
Social Network Users tend to rely more on Self Disclosures to create a sense of closeness and
Intimacy because they do not receive verbal and non verbal cues that would otherwise be
exchanged in face to face conversation.
The accuracy of Information exchanged online is suspect, thus forcing people to spend more
time verifying information from their online counterpart. Once accuracy has been established,
The lack of a physical presence increases the probability of more intimate disclosures online,
leading to the illusion of a close relationship.
This is how it works, Cheers!








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The First Pillar of Compatibility : Self Disclosure
The Second Pillar of Compatibility : Reciprocity

The First Pillar of Compatibility : Self Disclosure

Self Disclosure is a process of communication by which one person reveals information about
himself or herself to another. The information can be descriptive or evaluate, and can include
thoughts, feelings, aspirations, goals, failures, successes, fears and dreams, as well as one’s
likes, dislikes and favorites.
Social Penetration theory states that the development of a relationship is closely linked to
systematic changes in communication.
Relationships generally begin with exchange of superficial information and gradually move on to
more meaningful conversations.
In order to develop a more intimate relationship, people must increase the breadth and depth of
their conversations.
Breadth - Variety and Range of topics discussed by 2 Individuals.
Depth - Degree to which the information is revealed (Personal or Private). Personal Significance
of the topics discussed.
It is easier for breadth to be expanded first because of its more accessible features. It consists
of outer layers of personality and everyday lives such as occupations and preferences.
Depth is more difficult to reach, and includes painful memories and more unusual traits that we
might hesitate to share with others. We reveal ourselves most thoroughly and discuss the
widest range of topics with our loved ones.
There are 3 layers one should go to :
1. Superficial small talk with little personal information about the speakers.
2. The next layer is Intimate, with increasing breadth and depth and more personal details.
3. The third is the very intimate level, where extremely private information is shared.
Intimacy in these relationships can develop only if the persons involved reciprocate disclosures.
Intimacy will not develop if only one partner discloses and the other continues to reveal only
superficial information.
Reciprocity must be gradual and match the intimacy of other’s disclosure.
Too rapid, too personal disclosure creates an imbalance in a relationship that can be
discomforting.
Self Disclosure promotes attraction. People feel a sense of closeness to others who reveal their
vulnerabilities, innermost thoughts and facts about themselves.
Two key components for Intimacy are :
1. Disclosure
2. Partner’s Responsiveness
It is extremely important that when a speaker discloses personal information, their partner also
discloses something personally relevant. It is also essential that the listener understand, validate
and care about what the speaker is disclosing. If the speaker does not feel fully accepted by the
listener, Then they may not disclose something to them in the future, which stops the
development of intimacy.
There are 2 types of Self Disclosures -
1. Emotional Disclosure - Reveals a person’s thoughts, feelings and judgements.
2. Factual Disclosure - Reveals facts and information about the self.
Sense of closeness increases if the disclosures are more emotional than factual. Personal
Disclosures that are too general reduce the sense and feeling of closeness. Disclosures that are
too intimate often highlight character and personality flaws, thus decreasing likability. People
who make intimate disclosures too early in relationships are often perceived as insecure, which
further decrease likability.
The transition from sharing facts to emotions is crucial to building an intimate relationship.
Without acceptance, one partner will withdraw and fail to reveal personal facts within the
relationship. Sharing ourselves brings us out of the imaginary worlds and allow us to see the
realities of the world we live in.
Self Disclosure reveals and breeds Intimacy. This is why we reveal ourselves most and discuss
the widest range of topics with our loved ones. Disclosures should be made over a long period
of time to ensure that the relationship slowly increases in intensity and closeness. A steady
trickle of personal information increases the longevity of the relationship because each partner
continually feels the closeness that comes with self disclosures.
Social Network Users tend to rely more on Self Disclosures to create a sense of closeness and
Intimacy because they do not receive verbal and non verbal cues that would otherwise be
exchanged in face to face conversation.
The accuracy of Information exchanged online is suspect, thus forcing people to spend more
time verifying information from their online counterpart. Once accuracy has been established,
The lack of a physical presence increases the probability of more intimate disclosures online,
leading to the illusion of a close relationship.
This is how it works, Cheers!








More Post
The First Shenanigan on Humanity
The Foundation of Datsme : Compatibility
Compatibility versus Chemistry : A necessary Insight!